New Year's Resolution

A new year's resolution in July--what gives?

Well, a great man once said that procrastination is the key to prolonging life and I tend to agree. With that in mind, I feel that July is as good as any month to start making some changes in my life. I'm not quite ready to tackle any of my big issues, so I've decided to start small; I will update this blog at least once a year. I would say once a month, but who am I kidding, that's just nonsense.

The truth is, this shouldn't be that hard to do. Living in Israel has been quite an adventure and I have plenty of humorous fodder for the ol' blog. But instead of penning a tome on my first year living in the land o'milk n' honey, I'd like to focus on one small, albeit bizarre cultural difference between Israelis and Americans.

It seems that every Israeli is a matchmaker. It's a wonder that this country still has any single people. From the taxi driver taking you to the train station to the guy who owns an apartment that you're interested in renting, everyone has the "perfect" girl for you. What's more is that they all seem to have the same girl for you! For example, upon entering the aforementioned cab, the driver inquired, "Where to go, my friend?"

I replied, "The bus station. I'm off to Jerusalem to visit with my grandmother."

"Oh, you have family here? Are you married?" asked the cab driver.

I answered, "No, not married. But I've got plenty of time for that stuff later."

The cabbie responds, "Listen, my friend, I know a girl who is the best for you. She know English."

(End scene)

And that's it! Without know me from Adam, this cabbie believes he's got the perfect girl for me. His sole criterion--she know English. Really, all that means is that she knows English a little better than he does...which is still pretty hard to quantify.

Whatever. It's pretty amusing from time to time. But it's gotten to the point that I am being fixed up on a daily basis, by everyone--the guy who sells me milk, the girl giving me directions to the movie theater. Hell, even the homeless cripple that I threw some change at today had a girl for me.

Ok, well that's about it for now. You know it's best to ease your way back into these things. Ok maybe more tomorrow, maybe in a couple months. We'll see.

George Thurgood should stop being so bossy and shut his lip!

Alright, first things first...So it's been roughly three years since my last post, but what can I say, not much has really happened in the meantime. Well I'm back now, refreshed and ready to resume my offbeat musings. Now on to business.

I've never been much of a fan of George Thurgood and the Destroyers; I think that their music is plain bad. Moreover, I don't need anyone telling me to cut my hair OR to get a "real job." I might not be thrilled with my current employment, but I can do without the added pressure of some loser rock group urging me to bigger and better. Anyway, I seem to have found my ideal position and it is in no way a "real job."

Apparently, Australia is offering a job which can best be described as "overpaid island-sitter." That's right, the Australian government is looking for someone to take residence on a small island off of the great barrier reef. And as for the job description? Get this, the person hired will be responsible for tajing walks around the island, snorkling around the reef, maintaining a blog/vlog of the experience, and interviewing with the media about the experience. Basically, Australia what's someone to permanently vacation on one of her islands, so long as they describe the experience to others. Pretty awesome, right? I haven't even gotten to the best part--the pay & perks. The job pays 150k/year Australian money (1.05k American) and the person is given a beautiful 3 bedroom house, equipped with a swimming pool and other necessities. The job is being billed as "the best job in the world" and I think that might be a fact.

What do you have to say about that George Thurgood...Well, I'm off to fill out my application, it's due by the end of February.

For more, check out: http://www.islandreefjob.com

Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves

So, last weekend Anthony started singing that Cher song, "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves" and I have to be honest, it really kinda shocked me. First, for as long and as intimately as I've known Ant, I have never known him to sing anything. On occassion he might spit some 2Pac or NWA, maybe even some David Allen Coe or the like. But a somewhat obscure Cher diddy? No F-ing way, man. Today I think I might have figured out why. You see, I love infomercials, particularly ones hocking kitchen gadgets, knives or anything RonCo. But every now and then I'll get hooked watching one for a 56-CD, Time-Life Super 70's Soundtrack. So the one I saw today had that Cher song. What's more, I heard the song about 7 in the span 0f 30 mins...

Well, Ant, did you see that infomercial too? Or are you just a closet Cher fan?

d

Gregie-Poo is Real Shit!

Avast, me harties!

Though the title of this post might suggest that I have a beef with the poo, I assure that I don't. I just thought it mighty funny to write "poo" and "shit" in the same line.

However, I am a bit put off by the comment that he left from my last post. In particular, the poo wrote:

Ahoy David. These last two posts have been bloody hilarious... I would like to vote for a movement away from the pirate motif on your site. I know you have a queer obsession with pirates, but isn't the site more about keeping in touch and expressing yourself during your occasional moments of comedic genius? -G

Really? Well, at least he posted a comment...let me know what you think

d

Summary of the Trip to K-town

What is this? Could it be the Golden Ball of Knoxville? You betcha! Unfortunately it wasn't filled with wigs.

I went to K-town last weekend and had a blast with Diva and Anthony. We went to the art museum, a chocolate "factory" and had a swell picnic at a very cool dam.

The highlight of the trip was Sunday brunch though. It was AWESOME!!! And, while Anthony totally wussed out, D and I got a serious grubbin' on. However I totally blew her out of the water too. But, for a girl, she did well. I'd give her an A for effort.

Anyway, it was a great trip and it was so hard to leave those two kids. I hope to make a return soon. At the very least, to get some more brunch!

Hopefully more pictures will be up soon!

d.

I just got canned! It's a goddamned conspiracy I tell ya.

Well, we all knew that it wouldn't last forever, but I really thought that I'd hold down my job for at least two months.
I mean, I was a very dilligent employee, despite my sub-standard wage and lack of any type of fringe benefit. And when you compare me to my counterpart, Big Momma Ms. Lenda, I am at a complete loss.

So I've come up with two crazy theories as to why I got layed off.

1. Kitty & Shitty Kitty have finally exacted their revenge on me for placing them up for adoption. Look at that evil bitch cat...I always knew she was out to get me.

This one, I dare say, is a little farther-fetched...

2. As you might know, I recently moved out of my parent's crib to Grandview. My address is 964 Burr Ave. Now this might seem irelevant, but I worked on Hamilton Rd. Are you starting to get it? Just as Aaron "Burly" Burr killed Alex "Slow-draw" Hamilton in a duel, so to did my residence destroy my place of work.

F it though, I hated the job anyway.

Well, That's my post today. Now that I have a little extra free time, I should be updating more frequently. Tomorrow I'm going to put up the pictures from Jenny & Jonathan's wedding...I was canned there too, shit-canned that is.

Peace
D

Why should I even keep this stupid blog?

Well the title really says it all... Also, for anyone who actually reads this rubbish, I'm sorry about the constant template changes--I won't change it again until I find one that I truly want to keep.

So I guess the point of keeping a blog is to update the folks with new happenings in my life. Unfortunately, I'm sorry to report that there isn't much to say. I did move out of my parents house recently. And I did take a job as a glorified secretary too, but other than that I don't have anything else to say.

Anyway, I hope something changes in my life soon because this plain sucks. And if it does, I promise good ol' blog will definitely be updated.

A Short Introduction

So I've started a blog... Most of you reading this are probably "shocked and awed" because I have always exhibited such contempt for blogs and bloggers. Well, I guess people can change.
The purpose of this blog is two-fold: 1) To keep in better touch with all of you; and 2) to waste some of the many hours of downtime at work.

Anyway, even if you're not to keen on reading the rubbish that I post, I hope that you'll stop by every now and then to let me know about all the great things happening in your lives.

Cheers,
d.